Some Musings on Early Pregnancy...

We kept the news of this newest addition to our family a secret for about 4 weeks. We weren't sure how far along I was and wanted to wait to tell the majority of the world on Thanksgiving when we'd be seeing Jason's Mom. Now that the news is out, I wanted to share a e-mail I wrote my friend, Leilani about some random thoughts on pregnancy...

Dear Leilani,

Well, I can’t blog about things I’m going through…since this baby is still a secret to the majority of the world. However, I feel the need to get some things out, so you don’t have to read this, but I just needed to write.

What a weird thing pregnancy is! I’m really trying to be positive, but come on! I mean, why do our bodies turn so totally against us when we are carrying another soul? Is it God preparing us to forever place another over our own wants, desires, and inclinations? Tonight I went from detesting the very thought of food (but still having to get dinner for the kids), to REALLY wanting salmon with pasta (which I made when the kids went to bed). Then I just HAD to have a piece of apple pie… But now the pie is almost done and I don’t want to ever look at it. The lingering smell of salmon in my house is repulsive! If I didn’t know I was pregnant I’d probably suggest a mental hospital!

Even through all this sickness, weirdness and the looming threat of labor, I’m already feeling this intense love for the little soul growing inside me. What will he/she be like? Will this Little One (LO) have Monica’s ability to make me laugh and smile…or shall he possess Christopher’s ability to amaze me each day by his artistic intelligence and sensitivity? Will I have the strength to be a great mother to all three of them? This morning I felt like such a failure to my two children. Here I am throwing up, barely able to change their dirty diapers before taking off at high speed to the bathroom. Christopher wants to cuddle while he watches the movie I “had” to put on…but I tell him I can’t because I don’t know when I’ll be off to the bathroom again. I’m so thankful right now for the gift of Zofran and that God gave my doctor in Virginia the wisdom to prescribe it for me. I feel like a wimp…but I know if I ever needed it, it’s now!

Anyways…I’m gonna go take the pie out of the oven and head to bed. Maybe your Mom will want some when she’s here tomorrow! I’ll call you after my appointment! My prayer now is that I’m the mother of 3 healthy kids!

Thanks for your friendship and putting up with me!

Love ya,
Christen